A Mindful Holiday Season

Monday, December 2, 2016 | Caitlin McLear, Ph.D.

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With the holiday season in full swing, it is easy to feel the pressure of making this year the “best ever.” At this time of year, we get caught up in finding the perfect present, decorating our houses to look like a magazine, and making sure we don’t forget anyone or anything. While the holidays are supposed to be a beautiful, wonderful time of the year, filled with friends, family, and memories, they can also be a time of stress and worry. Not only are there extra activities to fit into an already busy life (e.g., holiday parties, gift shopping, entertaining, cleaning, cooking), but there are often high or idealistic expectations that we HAVE to be happy during the holidays and that any pre-existing conflicts, dynamics, or problems with families or friends will be put on hold during this time. Needless to say, all of these stressors and obligations can really put a damper on holiday cheer, and can leave us feeling tired, frazzled, and stressed out. So how can we reduce these feelings so that we can enjoy the holiday season? By engaging in mindfulness in everyday activities and interaction.

Mindfulness is maintaining awareness of the present moment, through thoughts, feelings, and sensations. It requires acceptance of the present and paying purposeful attention to our thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism. In mindfulness, there are not “good” or “bad” feelings or emotions; rather, you acknowledge and accept each feeling and thought as it arises in the moment. Why practice mindfulness? Research has found a number of benefits linked to the practice of mindfulness, including stress reduction, increase of positive emotions/decrease of negative emotions, greater empathy and compassion for others, and greater relationship satisfaction.

How can you be mindful during the holiday season? Here are five suggestions to get you started:

Engage in activities mindfully: Be present during holiday activities. Whether it’s decorating the tree, baking cookies, or spending time with family or friends, take time to be in the moment. Pay attention! Observe the smells and sights, think about the people you are buying presents for be present in conversations. Stay in the moment and appreciate what you are doing, rather than jumping ahead and thinking about all of the other tasks you still have to complete. Whenever you feel your mind wandering, remind yourself to focus on the present and to fully engage in what you are doing.

Focus on others: Many times, during the stress of the holiday season, it can be easy to focus on ourselves, our own stress, and our own problems. This can make us lose sight of what others are going through and consequently, weaken our ability to feel empathy for others. This might mean we honk at the person who cut us off in traffic, or be extra short with the salesperson who is not helpful. However, remaining in the present and acknowledging what others may be thinking or feeling allows us to see things from their perspective and is a reminder that we are not the only ones feeling the holiday stress. By taking on the perspectives of others, we develop empathy for them and can more often see the good in the situation, rather than dwelling on the negative.

Develop self-awareness and observe self-care: Develop self-awareness of how you are feeling by recognizing in the moment when you are stressed. Use this awareness of your feelings to give yourself what you need at that time, whether it is saying “no” to a party, going on a walk, taking a few deep breaths, or having a hot drink. Give yourself permission to experience thoughts and feelings in the moment without judgment. This enables us to develop self-compassion, and in turn, make wiser decisions that will benefit ourselves and others. Remember, you cannot take care of others during the holidays if you are not taking care of yourself.

Practice gratitude: During the holiday hustle and bustle, it’s easy to get lost in what you haven’t done, don’t have, or what went wrong. However, research has shown that a key element of happiness and satisfaction is focusing on the positive and being grateful for what you do have and have accomplished. This requires mindfulness to consider what you have to be thankful for in the present. Take five to ten minutes each day during this season to focus on what went well and what you are thankful for. Not only will this lift your mood, but it may also change your perspective!

Let go of expectations: Part of mindfulness is accepting the present moment for what it is, without dwelling on what should have or should not have happened. When seeking the perfect holiday season, it is easy to get upset or frustrated when things don’t go according to plan. Maybe the present you HAD to get is sold out. Or maybe your holiday plans change at the last minute, and SURPRISE, you are hosting! Instead of focusing on how things SHOULD be or why they went the way they did, practice mindfulness by remaining in the present and going along with the changes. Focus on what IS rather than what should have been.

Interested in learning more about mindfulness? Go to mindfulness.org